


the little things

by forkandgarden_3



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkandgarden_3/pseuds/forkandgarden_3
Summary: drabble after Laura leaves Carmilla





	

**Author's Note:**

> ok first of all I want to apologize in advance for this being in first person..  
> ..but I wrote this at 3:45 AM and this was the only way it would get written.
> 
> 2nd. I'm feeling a little nostalgic for season 1...so this happened.
> 
> 3rd. this was originally supposed to be something else. but something hijacked my brain ...  
> and this...thing... was the product. I'm sorry for whatever/however many cliche lines appear.

I was alone for a long time. And then I met you.

I thought it wouldn't hurt. And then it did.

I wished to god that I had never met you. Because then I would never have known the pain I felt when you said those dreadful five words: “I don’t love you anymore”. Nothing could describe what I felt when you said those words to me. 

But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love every second I had with you. Was it perfect? No. Of course not. But … it was warm, and secure...peaceful. It was as if I had captured the sun, only, it didn’t hurt to be so close. And then you said those words.

I wish I knew what I had done wrong, or if I even did anything wrong. To push you away. I hate myself. I always did. And..loving you...didn’t just make it go away.

Maybe I  _ did  _ push you away. But I think I disguised it from myself so that you wouldn’t see it either. So that the little things would pile up, unnoticed...and one day, you would just stop loving me.  Maybe this is all my fault. Because I’m damaged goods and I’ll never sell. 

I’ll tell you something. I don’t miss the big adventures we had. Going cliff diving together, the three day wine and beer taste-test tour we did, driving to Germany on a whim... Yeah. those were all great times. I love every big memory I have of us together, being young [at least in your case] and free. But...that’s not what I really miss.

I miss your 'good morning' texts, because it was usually when I was about to sleep and I knew that when I woke up, there would be another text waiting for me; telling me you’re home safe, or that you’re in class and your Econ professor made another fucking racist joke. Or  _ anything _ really. Every day, you would text me 'good morning' and I would text back 'good night'. And at one point, in between the 6-10 hours I was dead to the world, you would think about me again, and text me. It didn't matter what it was about, it was just nice to know that you were thinking of me. Sometimes the text even was, 'thinking of you'.

I miss sitting in the car with you. We didn’t even have to be driving anywhere, or speaking for that matter. I just miss having you next to me. Sometimes we would talk for hours, and sometimes, we would just sit in silence. It didn’t matter, since you were there.

I miss being able to hold you from behind. It was always my favorite thing to do. Especially in the mornings? Yeah...the mornings after you spent the night[s] at my place. I would try my hardest to sleep around the same times as you [the earliest I slept was 3:20 AM], but usually, you woke up before I even started to close my eyes. You didn’t want me to smell your morning breath [not that I ever fucking cared], so you would turn around and bring my arm around your waist. I would say...it was in those moments in the early morning... that I felt the most peaceful. Sometimes you would fall back asleep and I would listen to your breathing even out...and I would fall asleep to the rhythmic beating of your heart.

I miss the way you would bite the end of your pen or pencil as you did research. The little forehead wrinkle you get when you were really trying to concentrate and understand something. And the rapid typing of your keyboard when you finally knew what you wanted to say.

I miss the little things. The moments in between moments. The quiet hum of our lives. But I won’t be selfish and ask for those moments back..

Because you don’t love me anymore.  


End file.
